Monday, February 23, 2009

C.A.!!

Hi  Dues , 
 
Banner in front of the Institute of Chartered Accountants of India ....

"Drive slowly, don't kill our students.... . leave them to us...."


What is CA?

PE-I-Alpenlibe- Ji lalchaye raha na jaye.
 
PE-II-Mentos- Dimag ki batti jala de.
 
ARTICLES-Kinetic- Sabki hawa nikal de.

FINAL-Chlormint- Dubara mat poochna.



We had many options to end our life
Poison, Sleeping pills, Hanging,
Jump from building, Sleep under a train..
But we choose the bravest... Education (CA).



Aansu aa jate hai aankho me rone se pehle,
Har khawab tut jata hai sone se pehle!
Kya hai CA ye to samajh gaye,
Kash koi rok leta admission hone se pehle.


Are you-
Emotionally Numb?
Romantically Starved?
Creatively Challenged?
Artistically Void?
Socially Outcast?
Congratulations You are a CA Student!!


Teacher: Osama has 5 wifes and 20 Children,
 
Laloo has 1 wife and 9 children. Who is better?
 
CA Student: Osama's NPV is good but Laloo's IRR is better.


AUDITOR
A-accounting and others
U-underlying
D-data and
I-information
T-to give an
O-opinion in
R-the audit report


Irritating audits, Fighting on stupid issues,
Everyday classes, Dangerous boss,
More expenditure, Less stipend,
People call it ARTICLESHIP, We call it LIFE.


CA on his death bed:
My wife, are you here?
"Yes dear"
My daughter, are you here?
"Yes dad"
My son, are you here?
"Yes dad"
MY ARTICLES, ARE YOU HERE?
"Yes SIR"
KAMiNO fir OFFICE me kaun hai.


Upcoming horror movies in CA:
-Boss bana shaitan
-Tadapta article
-Khatarnak syllabus
-B.L. ka badla
-2nd group ki pyas
-Khooni result
-Wo aakhri attempt


Raat ko kitab meri mujhe dekhti rahi,
Nind mujhe apni aur khichti rahi,
Nind ka jhoka mera man moh gaya ,
Aur ek raat fir ye CA Student bina padhe so gaya .


Exam ka saaya hai,
Exam ke dino me sukh kisne paya hai.
Duniya wale kehte hai, achchhe number lao,
Kaun samjhaye inhe, ye sab moh maya hai.


Kash koi "Exam Result" ka insurance kara deta,
To har exam ke pehle premium bharwa dete,
Pass hote to thik hai,
Varna insurance claim karva lete.


Ye India ka CA hai bidu,
40 mile to tali bidu,
Attempt lage to gali bidu,
Hua exempt to bole jhakhas,
39 lage to satyanash,
Pass ho to thaat hai,
Fail ho to vaat hai.


5 Years
50 Laws
500 Lectures
5000 Practicals
50000 Sections
500000 Rules
A normal human being can't bear it.
The remaining abnormals are called 

CHARTERED ACCOUNTANTS. .... 



CA gaali de to kya dega?
Saale bounced cheque,
Dharti pe liability,
Paidaishi bad debts,
Dishonoured bill,
Insolvent aadmi,
Itna marunga ki balance nahi bachega.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Proud to be an Indian!

* You may be aware that after IT now India moving
towards Biotechnolgy.

* According to one research India will emerge as a
super power in IT & Medical research by 2025.

Some Questions & Answers:
-------------------------

Q. Who is the Co-founder of Sun Microsystems?
(The company which is sweeping the internet with its brainchild Java)
A. Vinod Khosla

-

Q. Who is the Creator of Pentium Chip?
(Needs no introduction, 90% of today's computers run on it)
A. Vinod Dahm

-

Q. Who is the third richest person on the world?
A. According to the latest report on Fortune Magazine, it is
Aziz Premji, CEO, Wipro.
The Sultan of Brunei is at 6th position now.

-

Q. Who is the current president of AT&T Bell Labs?
(AT & T Bell Labs is the creator of C, C++, Unix to name a few)
A. Arun Netravalli

-

Q. Who is the founder and creator of Hotmail?
(Hotmail is world's No. 1 web based email program)
A. Sabeer Bhatia

-

Q. Who is the GM of Hewlett Packard?
A. Rajiv Gupta

-

Q. Who is the Testing Director of Windows 2000?
A. Sanjay Tejwrika

-

Q. Who are CEOs of the following well known companies?
Please find the answers yourself!

* AppNet
* America Online (The Largest ISP in the World)
* WebMethods
* Lucent Technologies (Pioneer in Fiber Optics)
* Proxicom
* Network Solutions (The sole web domain assigner)
* General Dynamics Corporation
* Lazard Freres
* Litton PRC
* Columbia Capital
* Primus Communications
* Discovery Communications
* Bell Atlantic
* Cable & Wireless
* The Motley Fool
* Hughes Network Systems
* Cybercash
* MCI Worldcom
* PSINet
* Motorola
* MicroStrategy
* Equalfooting.com
* Teligent, Inc.
* MindBank
* U.S. Airways
* CIENA Corp.
* BioNetrix
* Net 2000 Communications
* Computer Associates
* SAIC
* Startec
* INOVA Health System
* Cvent.com
* Eglobe
* Metrocall, Inc.
* DynCorp
* Consumer Elec. Ass'n
* The Carlyle Group
* Cyveillance
* Nextel Communications
* Fannie Mae
* Intelsat
* Draper Atlantic
* Venture Fund, L.P.
* Freddie Mac
* Manugistics
* Raytheon Systems Corporation
* Spacevest

What did you find?
Do you find anything common between them ?
Yes, they are all Indians.
We are known as the Indian Mafia (or Internet Mafia?)
We are the wealthiest among all ethinic groups in America.
We are faring better than the whites and the natives of America.
We are the suceess story in America.

*** Let the world know what we stand for ***

* There are 3.22 Million Indians in America.
* 38% of Doctors in America are Indians.
* 12% of Scientists in America are Indians.
* 36% of NASA employees are Indians.
* 34% of MICROSOFT employees are Indians
* 28% of IBM employees are Indians
* 17% of INTEL employees are Indians
* 13% of XEROX employees are Indians


The following facts were recently published in a German Magazine
which deals with WORLD HISTORY FACTS ABOUT INDIA.
-----------------------------------------------------------------

a. India never invaded any country in her last
10000 years of history.

b. India invented the Number System. Zero was
invented by Aryabhatta.

c. The World's first university was established in Takshila in 700BC.
More than 10,500 students from all over the world studied more than
60 subjects. The University of Nalanda built in the 4th century BC
was one of the greatest achievements of ancient India in the field
of education.

d. Sanskrit is the mother of all the European languages.
Sanskrit is the most suitable language for computer software
reported in Forbes magazine, July 1987.

e. Ayurveda is the earliest school of medicine known to humans.
Charaka, the father of medicine consolidated Ayurveda 2500 years ago.
Today Ayurveda is fast regaining its rightful place in our civilization.

f. Although modern images of India often show poverty and lack of
development, India was the richest country on earth until the time of
British invasion in the early 17th Century.

g. The art of Navigation was born in the river Sindh 6000 years ago.
The very word Navigation is derived from the Sanskrit word NAVGATIH.
The word navy is also derived from Sanskrit 'Nou'.

h. Bhaskaracharya calculated the time taken by the earth to orbit the
sun hundreds of years before the astronomer Smart.
Time taken by earth to orbit the sun: (5th century) 365.258756484 days.

i. The value of pi was first calculated by Budhayana, and he explained
the concept of what is known as the Pythagorean Theorem.
He discovered this in the 6th century long before the European
mathematicians.

j. Algebra, trigonometry and calculus came from India.
Quadratic equations were by Sridharacharya in the 11th Century.
The largest numbers the Greeks and the Romans used were
106 (10 to the power of 6) whereas Hindus used numbers as big as
1053 (10 to the power of 53) with specific names as early as
5000 BCE during the Vedic period.
Even today, the largest used number is Tera 1012 (10 to the power of12).

k. According to the Gemological Institute of America, up until 1896,
India was the only source for diamonds to the world.

l. USA bas ed IEEE has proved what has been a century-old suspicion in
the world scientific community that the pioneer of Wireless communication
was Prof. Jagdeesh Bose and not Marconi.

m. The earliest reservoir and dam for irrigation was built in Saurashtra.

n. According to Saka King Rudradaman I of 150 CE a beautiful lake
called 'Sudarshana' was constructed on the hills of Raivataka during
Chandragupta Maurya's time.

o. Chess (Shataranja or AshtaPada) was invented in India.

p. Sushruta is the father of surgery. 2600 years ago he and health
scientists of his time conducted complicated surgeries like
cesareans, cataract, artificial limbs, fractures, urinary stones
and even plastic surgery and brain surgery.
Usage of anesthesia was well known in ancient India.
Over 125 surgical equipment were used.
Deep knowledge of anatomy, physiology, etiology, embryology, digestion,
metabolism, genetics and immunity is also found in many texts.

q. When many cultures were only nomadic forest dwellers over 5000 years ago.
Indians established Harappan culture in Sindhu Valley
(Indus Valley Civilization).

r. The place value system, the decimal system was developed in India
in 100 BC.

QUOTES ABOUT INDIA
------------------

a. Albert Einstein said:
" We owe a lot to the Indians, who taught us how to count,
without which no worthwhile scientific discovery could have been made."

b. Mark Twain said:
" India is the cradle of the human race, the birthplace of human speech,
the mother of history, the grandmother of legend,
and the great grand mother of tradition.
Our most valuable and most constructive materials in the history of
man are treasured up in India only."

c. French scholar Romain Rolland said:
" If there is one place on the face of earth where all the
dreams of living men have found a home from the very earliest days
when man began the dream of existence, it is India."

d. Hu Shih, former Ambassador of China to USA said:
" India conquered and dominated China culturally for 20 centuries
without ever having to send a single soldier across her border."


* All the above is just the TIP of the iceberg, the list could be ENDLESS.

BUT, if we don't see even a glimpse of that great India in the India
that we see today, it clearly means that we are not working up to our
potential and that if we do, we could once again be an evershining and
inspiring country setting a bright path for rest of the world to follow.

We hope you enjoyed it and work towards the welfare of INDIA.

Monday, December 01, 2008

Voting the only solution as of now?

I urge each and everyone of my friends to vote! If u are eligible and yet to register plz follow the proceedure given at www.jaagore.comWe all must vote and make a difference or else even we should be blamed if the govt turns out to be useless like the current one.So plz... at this election plz go and vote, no matter how long the line is...and plz do spread this message...jai hind!Its time to wake up!It is very sad that one third of the centre's income is financed by Mumbai but we as citizens are not even protected...Police had to face the terrorists with Lathis! (u are kidding me!) while terrorist had AK-56s..all our money going towards the security of the so called VVIPs(politicians&their relatives)...so a question is to be asked "Does the common man's (tax payer's) life have any value at all..."So lets make a difference in any way that we can...on orkut or facebook in any way it may be..